Questions and Decisions Time

I am on a 23 day vacation from The Seattle Public Library. One goal I had before this vacation started was to get my apartment empty. I was going to put everything into storage. As the time approached to start moving things into storage, that idea just did not seem right. I no longer want any of these things in my life. I should not own more stuff than what will fit in the back of my truck. And I do not mean a full load either. One tote of clothes, one tote of equipment, and one tote of personal items. That should be more than enough stuff in my life.

Tote of Clothes	Tote of Personal Items	Tote of Equipment	Backpack
Suit jacket/pants	Sword	Scanner/printer	computer
white dress shirt, undershirt	Snake-Eyes action figure(s)	Tool case	camera
blue dress shirt, undershirt	Snake-Eyes skateboard	surge protector	computer power cord
polo shirt	Chess Board	extension cord	camera power cord
pair of black pants		PS3	passport
pair of jeans		speakers	cell phone power cord
2 pairs of cargo shorts		phone modem	cell phone
pair of sport shorts		alarm clock	extra camera batteries (AA)
5 pairs of underwear and socks		camera printer dock/recharge station	sunglasses
blanket, pillow			MP3 player and cord
grooming items			extra AAA batteries
			journal
			pens

As this year came into existence, I knew I wanted to spend this time answering some big questions in my life.
1. Do I stay in Seattle?
2. Do I stay at the Library?
3. Where do I go?
4. Why?
5. What am I doing with my life?
One thing I learned in the last year is that my siblings consider me stable. Even my mother agrees with that statement. And I find myself not arguing with  the thought of me being stable. My soul yearns for that label to be wrong. This stability that others see is the act that I put on to hide. I am so worried about going crazy that I do nothing with my life.
As the past year unfolded, a wrinkle entered my life. A ‘wrinkle’ is not an adequate term. Something I had not counted on, entered my life. I fell in love, fell in lust, fell into an old pattern of obsession. Whatever the proper term or expression, this period of time that I requested off last year for reflection on my life has different priorities. Those things that I thought I would take this time off to think about, no longer has the same meaning that it did last year.
One major thing that I did not realize would change is the collection of toys. I am no longer interested in adding to or keeping my GI Joe collection. So I have been trying to sell them on the www.forums.yojoe.com I have been taking a lot of pictures of the collection. I have not opened the old boxes yet. I have been concentrating on the loose items I have bought since moving to Seattle.
http://picasaweb.google.com/jlbowen/GIJoe
Someone put the idea in my head of getting rid of books. Before I could change my mind, I took the books to Half-Price with this person. And I am thinking about getting rid of the rest of my books. I did not make any money on the books but at least the books are gone. The counter person pointed me towards the books that the store could not take. I went towards the box of books, reached towards them to see what was rejected, and said out loud, “No, Jason, RUN!”



  I have been trying to sell off my comic book collection. A couple issues here and there over the last couple of years but no major sales. I have been looking for a big dealer and I thought I had one lined up but that did not work out as hoped. Mostly, I messed up the automatic process of selling the collection. Trying to enter 4,000 comic books from one online program into another online program was not easy. I got maybe 100 books entered before I gave up.
This is where I am right now. I need to find some perspective on my life or something. I have been vaguely planning this vacation for years. Now the time is upon me.